About me

Please, take care of yourself, your mind, eat something nice, make sure you had a good sleep. Don’t come to see me and ask me to do heavy things if you are not well rested, haven’t eaten or if you’re super dehydrated. Take care of your body. Is there anything on your mind?

And I try to give them a template of what to expect. I think this should be the standard. This is the baseline of how all your healthy sexual interactions should be, right?

I love the the pleasure in being able to facilitate a safe space for people to express their kinks – our pleasure of holding space. We like giving that, facilitating that; compersion, to make someone happy, is very pleasurable, even though it is a commercial transaction. And for myself as a kinky person to have that space, that freedom, to play – holding that space goes both ways. Maybe something isn’t my kink, but because it’s doing so much for someone else, I get secondary pleasure.

I think that for someone to trust – they are letting themselves be vulnerable when they truly know what they ask for as a submissive, because some of those things – society told us it’s shameful, it’s indulgent, BDSM sometime is misconstrued as abuse, like you’re wanting self-harm – so when a submissive comes to me and they’ve processed all that shame and bullshit and they still truly then ask for something – whatever it is, like, whether it’s being beaten up or slapped or fisted, whatever, then I see it as they’ve gone through some trials and tribulation to the point that they can discover self-love in the pleasure that they seek and know that it’s all OK, I love to help.

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I’m very drawn to power dynamics in bondage, and playing with pain as a sensation. I get into someone’s headspace to pull that dynamic really far, where they put me at the top and let themselves be at the bottom. In that interaction, I think what I enjoy the most is control. Wrapped in control is that someone trusts you so much to give you so much power to play with. In a consensual setting, it might look like this – calling them names, stick needles in their balls, cut them, slap them, hang them upside down, dunk them in water. I really like all those risk-taking technical things, like playing with the body, making someone breathless, playing with lung capacity, waterboarding someone. It is, in a way, exploring pleasure, but also through pain.

I like the storyline of being the villain, bringing someone through their trials and tribulations, and then they come out the other side and they’re ecstatic! I find that sometimes it’s a weird bonding when someone’s done that with you and they trust you so much, and then by the end you have not killed them and they say, “Wow, I love this. This is amazing. I’ve just had this wild roller coaster experience and I’m still here and you will still hold me and respect me as a person. Awesome.”

In my experience, a lot of clients haven’t practiced so much negotiation, and then someone asks them, “How do you actually want to feel? What do you want to experience?” and this kinds of puts the responsibility back on them. It shows them that yes, they’re giving me control, but they still have the choice to say “Stop”, “Slow down”, “Play harder”, “Play lighter. Aftercare is also education, because most of them don’t understand why they need aftercare.

And I find I am also teaching them pre care which is – I have a lot of people who do many stupid things before they start a session. They come to me after a party bender, with empty stomach, hangovers, all this stuff, so I actually pre-empt that and I say, ‘Look, please, take care of yourself, your mind, eat something nice, make sure you had a good sleep. Don’t come to see me and ask me to do heavy things if you are not well rested, haven’t eaten or if you’re super dehydrated. Take care of your body. Is there anything on your mind?’