Consent and Limints are sexy

Finding Inspiration in Every Turn

SSC, RACK, PRICK, or CCCC? What are these and what does it have to do with consent and limits?

SSC - Safe, Sane, Consensual. The concept of playing with risk safety. Sane - in the right mindset, not under influence, sober and capable to give consent. Consensual - Ongoing, freely given, never assumed. The oldest and probably most common ethical framework for BDSM.

RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink.

Clearly define what risk are involved and both party clearly understand and consent to specific activities.

PRICK - Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink

Personal informed, have you done your homework? PRICK is that every person who participates is responsible for their own safety, including informing partners of risks, knowing what they are comfortable doing, and using safe words. More about communicate then victim blaming, I use it for open discussing for "maybe's" and "what ifs". Informed - all parties understand what might be happening, including risks.

CCCC - Caring Communication Consent and Caution. CCCC is more common in Master/slave dynamics, also known as 24/7 or total power exchange relationships.

Caring – First, it assumes that when you care about someone/play partner, you’ll keep their best interests in mind, this covers a range of dyamincs.

Communication

For me in BDSM, limits and consent are the foundation of ethical, safe, and respectful play. They protect everyone involved and make trust—and pleasure—possible.

Types of limits

For some beginners it might be hard to work out limits when they have not have enough experience. I found that Hard limits is helpful to work out your Absolute no’s. A list of things you will definitely not enjoy. These are not to be crossed under any circumstances.
Soft limits: Thing you may enjoy but terrifies you. Flexible boundaries that we can make adjustment to, a list of cautious yes’s. Maybe we can chat about it, rather then act it out. Things we can build on slowly that require negotiation, trust.
Emotional limits: Topics you do not wish to bring us, language you do not wish to be use, could be a word, could be something that is triggering, or scenarios dynamics that affect mental health or past trauma.
Physical limits: Pain tolerance, injuries or surgeries, medical conditions, your stamina on the day.
Situational limits: Time, location, equipments, privacy, or who is involved.

Nothing set in stone, limits and consent can be withdraw at anytime.

Safewords & Signals

Safewords :

Common traffic light system: Green (good), Yellow (slow/check in), Red (stop immediately)
For scenes where speech isn’t possible, maybe you are in a hood or have a gag in your mouth, we can use non-verbal/silent signals (dropping an object, feet or hand taps)

I respect No, STOP, equally as much as a safeword, it will always be respected—no exceptions, sometime it might be difficult to remember your safe word in the heat of the moment.

Negotiation & Check-ins

Before we play:

Be prepare to discuss limits, fantasy, desires, risk, triggers, health concerns/ medical conditions/medicals, and aftercare
Talk about what consent looks like for you, what safe word suits you.

During play:

I like to verbally check in and monitor physical and emotional responses, in my experience, sometime you can be so excited about a session that you may not have eaten enough, maybe you have other stresses in your life and you had poor sleep etc. I take the approach that we are flexible and adaptable, a positibe mindset to embrace change and play in the present.

After play (aftercare):

I always like to debrief and discuss what worked and what didn’t, what you most enjoyed, things your/less/different next time. After care is tailored to your needs, to help transition you from intense play to a calm, connected state, a soft landing to feel the bliss after play. I always have drinks for protein/sugar on hand for a quick pick me up and to prevent post-scene blues

Aftercare

Kindness Rituals for yourself.

Every body need different form of aftercare, the things that tends to be pretty commonly helpful are comforting sensation, a warm blanket, a drink, a warm meal. I always like to ask what does aftercare looks like you, the individual. I love offer a cozy container for someone to enjoy their post session bliss.

My recommending is to prioritizing rest and self-care, include feeding yourself and resting you physical body, a bath, a good meal. For your head space you might want to try re-framing negative self-talk, practice mindfulness, celebrating small wins, and slowing down to meet your needs rather than pushing through exhaustion while you recovery from a sub drop. This is the time to reward yourself with some gentleness and kindness. Some might prefer that I send them a text the next day, depending of how heavy or how deep the scene was.

Sub drop

We had a great session, everything felt amazing! The reason that BDSM feels so good are the chemical reactions that take place in your brain during a scene.

But after the scene, maybe your feel exhaustion or lethargy, maybe numbness, your feel empty or hollow, maybe suddenly you feel anxiety, fear, shame, overwhelmed, disconnected or disoriented ... the bad feeling spreads, you feel more and more down... physically your feel dizziness, lightheadedness, you are sweating, trembling, finding it hard to breath...

You are most like experiencing a sub-drop. Maybe this is new for you, or perhaps you have experience this and have a amazing aftercare plan with me?

Let's talk through the "Drop".

"Drop" refer to the unpleasant/bad feeling or blues one can experience after BDSM play. Sub drop is the emotional and physiological comedown after a scene. FUN chemicals rapidly disappear, causing an abrupt drop in mood and energy. The imbalances of these key chemical in your brain after a "session high" can cause low energy or mood swings. It's a natural shift where the body goes from peak excitement back to baseline.

A drop can be mental, physical or emotional, this varies from person to person, and the same person might feel different intensity of DROP doing the same activity at different times. Our body react to different stimulates differently day to day, small things to consider are fluctuations of hormones, your lifestyle (diet, exercise, sleep, substance use), environmental influences (consensual stress in play - getting Dom to administer heavy corporal? Being in bondage for 8 hours perhaps? social interactions, noise), and psychological elements like stress (maybe heavy role play, edge play), personality, and health conditions.

Key chemicals released while practicing BDSM includes:

Endorphins: Released in response to pain (sensation play) natural painkillers and mood elevators, creating feelings of euphoria, these natural opioids create a euphoric, "high," or trance-like state often referred to as "subspace".
Dopamine: part of the brain's reward system, create feelings of pleasure and intense focus.
Adrenaline and Norepinephrine: feelings of intense excitement, energy, and heightened sensation.
Enkephalins: Similar to endorphins, euphoric, floating feeling.
Oxytocin: "bonding hormone," warm, fuzzy sense of trust, calm, and bonding, feelings of connection and trust between play partners.

Subdrop effects are often not long-term. I always like to plan after care to ease the effects of sub drop. We can prevent the intense negative feelings and come down from the natural high with tailor aftercare and communication. Your body and nervous system needs time to recover and rebalance/re-calibrate. Drop is not dysfunction. It’s a sign your experience real intense moments. Aftercare is to provide a "drop" with a soft landing, to intentionally pause, rest, knowing that it will eventually peak and pass.